Condom says to Kotex,
"When you work,
I lose seven days of business."

Kotex replies,
"If you fail to work once,
my business stops for nine months

THAT SON OF A BIT(H !!!


Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bit(h."
Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bit(h?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (As he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call a man a son of a bit(h."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit(h."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes,
father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl:
"Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit(h."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."
Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "Yes father."
Priest: "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit(h."

Girl: "Then he pumped me fast and furious..."
Priest: The priest pumps her fast and says "Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit(h."

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"
Priest: (after a few minutes): "Ahh... Thats no reason to call him a son of a bit(h."

Girl: "But father he had AIDS!"
Priest: "THAT SON OF A BIT(H!!!"

A bit long, but funny:

Son comes to his father and asks what politics is?
Father explains:
"In politics there are 5 main points
1. Economical power
2. Government
3. People
4. The country's future
5. Working class"

Son did not understand any of these, So father gave an example of his family.

Father: "You see son, I do business earn money for our family I am Economical power, Your mother administrates all the money and uses them, she is the government, you my son have needs, so you are the people, your little brother is the future and the maid who takes care of your brother is working class. So do you understand?"

Son "yes"

In the night the son hear his brother cry because he had sh*t in his pants, so he went to wake his parents in the night, he saw his mother sleeping and snoring. He went to wake the maid.
He saw his father fixing the maid through a key hole. He knocked on the door but no answer. He went to bed after several attempts.

In the morning.
Son:"I think I know what politics is now father."
Father: "That sounds good, try to explain to me in your own words"
Son: "While the economical power is screwing the work class, the government is just snoring and the people are completely ignored while the country's future is in deep sh*t"

Why do women always watch the porn till the end??

- Because they think the film ends with the wedding.

good one suyog keep on comming ;)

Enjoyed a lot, here is my share:
Eakbal Singh and Aaureakbal Singh are on the camel, traveling through the desert. They are dying of thirst, and finally they come to an pond. Eakbal Singh and Aaurekbal Singh drink water, but the camel refuse to take a drink.
Aaurekbal Singh says, “I’ve got an idea. You hold the camel’s head under water, and I’ll suck on his rear end and try to draw some water up into his mouth.”
Eakbal Singh dunks the camel’s head under the water and Aurekbal Singh starts sucking like mad.
After a few minutes, Aauekbal Singh yells,’Raise his head a little. All I’m getting is mud from the bottom.”
**************************
Alcohol is good for you. My grandfather proved it. He drank two quarts of booze every mature day of his life and lived to the age of one hundred and three. I was at the cremation; that fire would not go out
**************************
A lady who took a cab from Beverly Hills to Malibu discovered that she had forgotten her purse. When she got out of the car she said to the cab driver, “I’m sorry, I don’t have any money with me.” And she lifted her skirt and said, “Will this do?”
The cab driver turned around and sighed, “Gee, Lady, don’t you have anything smaller?”
*************************
Listen what poor dick has to say..
It ain’t easy being a dick…
I ‘va got a head I can’t think with….an eye
I can’t see out of….
I have to hang around with two nuts all the time..
My closest neighbor is a real as*hole….
My best friend is a pussy…
And every time I get excited I throw up!

Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it’s missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be.

Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him.

“No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word.” She tells him, “Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven’t done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them.”

Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier.

But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline.

Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend’s father backs away from the table and screams, “OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I’LL DO THE F**KING DISHES

Superheroes and their super powers:

Superman was flying up in the sky; he was getting horney while thinking of Louis. With his super eyesight he saw a complete naked woman lying on her back, legs completely spread to sides. Superman just couldn’t resist these sexual emotions so he decided to fly down and screw her very quickly and she wouldn’t even know a thing.

So superman flew down like a lightning and did his thing and flew away so fast that the girl just didn't know what hit her.

The naked girl: "What the hell was that?"
An invisible man lying on the top of the girl: "I don't know but I suddenly have a terrible pain in my ass."

Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself:
Man: "May I buy you a cocktail?"
Maxine: "No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs."
Man: "Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?"

Maxine: "No, they open!"

haha open the leg lol thats hunny

"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You
always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand
there and nothing comes out."
"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you
don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran,
sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
"No, I pee every morning at 6:00.
"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00
and crap every morning at 6:30! So, what's so bad about being 80?"
"I don't wake up until 7:00."

Anticipation of Sex

A boy decided to have a dinner with his girlfriend parents. Since this
is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after
dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes
a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the
boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know
about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like
to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family
pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time
and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his
girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents,
come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his
head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head
down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally,
after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and
whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."

Sorry Guys that was not really Funny though check this out........

ok last one for today


little boy : mummy is god a girl or a boy?

mummy: why god is both girl and boy

little boy: mummy is god black or white?

mummy: why god is both black and white

little boy: mummy is god gay or strait?

mummy: why god is both gay and strait

little boy: mummy is god Michael Jackson?

My dad runs so fast that when he runs around the house, he sees his own butt.

Have you heard of this guy with Parkinson's desease? Everytime he goes for pee, he jerks off.

The Geography of a Women
Between the age of 18-21, a woman is like a Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bush land around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21-30, a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of it’s own beauty.
Between the ages of 35-40, a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40-50, she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by the past mistakes. Massive reconstructions are now necessary.
Between ages of 50-60, she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60-70, a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future(a bit like Tony Blair, may be Blair is a woman really.
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

A joke of shardhar ji:
A phone rings.

Sardar1: Hello, kaaun bolraa he...
Sardar2: May borra hu
Sardar1: Kamaal he, edhar vi mai hi bool raa hu

if u guys avent seen

eheh

Good ones guys, keep it coming!

ehehe..

CORPORATE LESSON #1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower
when the doorbell rings. After a few Seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the Doorbell,
The wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel And runs
Downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, The next door
Neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 Just to
Drop that towel that you have on". After thinking for A moment,
The woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
Bob has a close look at her for a few seconds, hands Over $800 and
Quietly leaves. Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the Woman wraps
Back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she gets Back to
The bathroom, her husband asks from the shower "Who Was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about The $800 He owes
me?"