I. Metamorphosis
***************

Goosebumps were rampant when I reached Bahrain, the last transit before KTM. This was the first hand reminder of Nepal in almost five years. The waiting room was filled with hundreds of Nepalis with whom I wanted to share my excitement but I decided to save the loaded exuberance with my parents first. I also realized in years, what human flesh smelled like?smell of sweat, blood and tears that thousands of our compatriots have shed in the gulf region to provide to their families back home. I was overcome with guilt, for I was covered up in American Brand, a disguise that far represented by identity.

If I thought the waiting room was a mini Nepal, the atmosphere inside the aircraft was more vigorous than Asan Bazaar, which also made me nervous. I knew I wasn?t for a smooth ride as the passengers just didn?t get the importance of wearing seat belts before take off. They exhausted the alcohols served in meals, they rushed to the window to catch a glimpse of KTM at 35000 ft, even when we were as much as two hours from the destination, the only respite coming as a thunderous applause for landing in KTM in one of those humid and bleak mornings.

I was thoroughly exhausted as we walked from the plane to the airport from more than 21 hours on air. I just wanted to go home and sleep for a change. The reality dawned upon me as I observed the emptiness of the hallway, rudimentary amenities, sweltering heat, lobbies that lacked AC, paper towel less bathrooms, but I remembered what I had vowed to do before my trip?focus on the positives. And there was the first sign of rejuvenation, seeing my maami come from afar with a garland. I was nervous and shy as hell. Yes! I was shy, I didn?t know if I should bow down to her or hug her. Would I be too American if I went in for a hug? I bowed down anyway but my mom met me in an embrace. I felt in seventh heaven.

The first question that left my flickering mind was straight away ?maami, ma motako chu??
She observed me for a while and said ?darho jeu bhayecha?

I was relieved. After bowing and hugging my dad, we left the airport in a mini van kinda taxi, and right away the goosebumps turned into volcanic bubbles as we swerved towards gaushala. Nothing seemed to have changed, except the exponential crowd and the compact houses. The dusty tupsy turvy road, pollution, busy traffic, horns buzzing all around, dogs barking people shouting --. Thank god! Up the maligaon?s ukalo and my excitement reached its threshold getting the first glimpse of my beloved handigaon. It was a mixed bag. Cleaner, nicer and ostentious alleys with towering houses all around, but too many strangers, and I felt like a stranger once more as I did in my childhood returning home from hostel.

I rushed to see my grandparents and bowed to them. I felt awfully bad for they didn?t recognize me. After half an hour of dilemma and explanation, both of them burst into tears. I was dizzy, sleepy hungry, but I had to see around to satisfy my virgin mind. After a hearty meal of quati and farsi ko munta from our own bari, I decided I needed a nap badly.

It was transient as restlessness besieged me. Something had transpired that I just couldn?t figure out and it made me feel very uneasy. It was not only seeing my grandparents unable to recognize me, not only my dad who looked older in retirement but with unusual friendliness, not my mom?s hyper exuberance, not the absence of my sisters, not the parijaat that had been a cornerstone of my childhood that was missing from our yard, it was something else. I went to the bathroom and gazed at the mirror which I had done ten thousand times before I left for US. AH! There was the answer. The figure I was looking at wasn?t the same. He had transformed into an adult without my consent. And it made me a whole lot nervous. However, thankfully I was home, only place where I felt good about being nervous.

To be contd?

हो! हो!! जीराले ठोक्या कुरो बाह्रै टाका सही हो! भोज खान पाईने हो कि के हो? यो पुन्टेको यसै ता पित्ले भुँडी, झन। सुन्निने भो!

ओईस् बाउचा! फर्किन्दा मलाई एक बोरा मसाला वाला सुकुटी ल्याईदेउन, यार! भाई बाट दाईमा प्रमोशन गर्दिन्छु एकेछिनलाई। रामो राम! धरो धर्म! धोबिनीको च्यात्त्या पेटिकोट कै कस्सम्!

hasayo poo da ley....oys bro biye ko bhoj bhanya testai hau baru bartabandha ko bhoj ko kura garum :=) bro don't forget to post your before and after pics

and did you meet danger bro??? ani as promised p...kari balla mail garey NE tira :p

bro milyo bhaney chitwan tira janu, malla gal bhet halcha ki ;)

IV. Where the Streets Now Have Names
**********************************
A fortnight of hedonic experience--Kathmandu sinks in completely. Not only the pollution, nauseating smell, puddles everywhere, unpredictable monsoon showers, overcrowding of microbuses and tempos but also the nozzles and rifles of the army, continous tantrums of government and political parties and above all, absolute indifference of common people who have their own priorities, you get used to everything. Morever, everywhere you go, beautiful faces and evergreen beautiful smiles greet you that sends your heart racing. I am afraid of pinching myself that I might just wake up from this dream.

In Nepal's context I find the talks about political and cultural revolution a pretty distant myth. Family dynamics I think is more complex than the political dilemma. You would be a pretty brave soul if you can put your views in front of your parents without any hesitation, forget about changing the entire society. Even then you might be dismissed as a western upstart and I am not here to start any kind of fire. At least not yet.Furthermore, I feel like a handyman everywhere I go with a toolbelt around my waist so that I can quickfix every problem all my extended family members have. Unfortunately, I am in the wrong field. But I aint complaining, when I am showered with 84 byanjans of mouth watering food from all the aunts, bhaujus, and maijus that I had never known before.

Last week, I attended two weddings of opposite extremes. The first one was one of my neighbor's and I was so excited for I hadn't been to any authentic Nepali wedding in more than 7 years, and I was not disappointed. The band playing old wedding tunes, childhood friends from greater handigaon area, the wedding food that I had always craved for, and people shocked to see me after years, all were heart warming experiences. Moving about in the crowd, I suddenly remembered the threads we have in sajha on who's hot, hotter and hottest and it made me chuckle. Here, everyone I run into, seems like a supermodel -- only more smarter, nicer, and whom you can instantly relate to. Then I ran into one of the dais from HVM who used to be our inspiration in childhood for his sheer brilliance. After some mundane talk, he asked me if I wrote for some site about Handigaon, and asked what my nick was. I knew exactly what he was talking about. When I nodded, he told me that he'd been reading my stories for last two years. It made me feel good.

I don't know why I got invited to the other wedding where I felt completely out of place. I did feel special that he introduced me to everyone as his friend from nursery days in Guheswori. I didn't know how to fit in a hi-fi party that had all the politicians, businessmen and elites of Kathmandu buzzing. I felt like I was in US once again, cause everyone would converse back at you in English even if you asked them something in Nepali. What the hell! People here go to US, UK and Europe not to study or aspire to become something, but to get a weekend getaway because there's so little to do in KTM . I could tell that party nepal could have propped up in parties like this if you eliminated the older folks. Of course, there were quite a few supermodels here too except they'd take something like "namaste" as an insult. I was so relieved to find another friend from school finally, and found something else to talk about. That's that.

One of the biggest jokes I have discovered in Nepal and Kathmandu in general is studying medicine. Yes, there are quite a few hardworking students that really aspired to become doctors, and are doctors. Disappointed with the scenario in Kathmandu, they often complain that they can't even have enough pocket money from internships they are doing, and ask me what would be their options if they opted to go to US. Then, there's a huge group of students who were forced into medicine and they are in medical colleges to have fun. They remind me of freshmen in US, except here, all five years of medical school is like freshman year. The stories my friends have confided me would have been useful to Samrat Upadhyaya so that he could exploit this group rather than the peanut selling woman of tundikhel. Anyways, medicine is nomore a noble profession in any aspect you look at it.

One fine evening, I decided to call upon two of my rare female friends from high school. I had no idea if they had been married or had gone abroad. I was thrilled to hear both of them were teachers. I asked them if i could attend one of their lectures cause I just couldn't picture them teaching a rowdy group of students. Its amazing when you can relate to people after years of oblivion. We instantly decided to meet up in the weekend. Of course, I am excited to see them, but I do have my own selfish motive. I know very well, one of them knows whereabouts of Shivani. I can't wait to hear. I will keep my fingers crossed...

to be contd.....
(comments dine time chaina..natra internet dc huncha..photos chai pachi)

oys mini role pani chaina?this i gets for holding forts is? tum ne to muje hi territorial bana diya.. handigaon coup ho? ki am i getting a bigger role pachi pachi..end ma? i won't be able to handle tetti pressure ke..you know me, i'm super slow. don;t bhetao me with shivani.

Bhintuna eh bhintuna,nya chau bhintuna ko rally aajai garcha? dont tell me achkel ta electronic beats haru ma gaucha bhanera. ani ani Mane khat ra Peme khat jutaucha pahila jastai?( oh hope i didnt get too conundrume for the territorial bhai)

can is you brings is some windows media player when u comes backs

k bhancha yo moro ashish , kurai bhujna gahro !! bistaar ma bhanna oye !!
;)

aww oysss

Oys....good job dude....very interesting read indeed, made me nostalgic! keep on coming...

ITS TAKING FOREVER.... DID YOU HEAR ABOUT SHIVANI BHANYA?

V.Java Blues
*************
I don't know why we'd decided to meet in Himalayan Java of all the places. As soon as I entered the ostentious lounge, it reminded me of lounge of W hotel in Manhattan except for the waiters. It was apparent that most of the Nepalese here had come from abroad. Confused by the mileau, I moved to the empty table at the end of the corridor and watched another downpour of monsoon. A group of middle aged men dressed in suits moved to a couch next to mine and ordered coffee that cost more than 100 rupees. With smoke and coffee to pump their adrenaline back, they started talking rowdily on how they could eliminate poverty of Nepal. What an irony! Below in the street, I was arrested by the handicapped beggar crawling between people begging for a rupee or two.

Who says Kathmandu is not Nepal. or else where would you see such stark difference between the rich and the poor? Where else would you see people living in slum around the most educated people in sinamangal not allowed to touch the water or buy anything from the shops around? Where else would you see the politics affecting only the politicians? Where else would you see a big shiny board outside the royal palace promising to preserve human rights and a block down soldiers attacking a peace rally? Where else would you see a black listed leader leading the anti corruption campaign? This my friend, is the only Nepal I have known for a long long time.

I was totally offguard when she approached me. She looked like an angel with the pearl necklace, yellow shirt and her big almond shaped eyes bordered by dark gajal. She smiled giving way to two dazzling dimples like that of Preity Zinta. She introduced me to her friends and they all raised their eyebrows when I introduced myself in NEPALI. I sat down nervous in the couch sipping the semi warm coffee. One of them offered me a ciggie and there--their eyebrows went up again when I told them that I didn't smoke. Why wouldn't they? I looked around and found the ultimate truth that I was the most uncool person sitting in the lounge without a ciggie in my hand. She asked me if I would like to come and see the architecture exhibition the following Thursday. I agreed, but right then, I wanted to get the hell out of there, and for some reason, out of KTM as well for a change.

My prayers were answered the very next day when a friend of mine and his interesting bunch of MBBS friends decided to spend a night at the outskirts of KTM in Tokha, 500 m above Kathmandu. We sat down in the veranda of this house on top of a cliff that overlooked the entire kathmandu valley. What a sight it was to behold. Covered up in thin mist and dazzling sunshine, Kathmandu looked so nice, compact, verdant and peaceful. Who'd have thought it was going through such a ferocious spitfire. With prawn, fish, meat, and even "bhootan" and of course local tharra, our talks took twists and turns from philosophy to boka talks. Medical students for some reason i have noticed in Nepal are almost all chain smokers. As the ciggie came around once more, I denied once again.
They began to laugh, "yo ciggie hoina, yo arkai k" I was perplexed. The smoke indeed smelled sweeter. Reading my mind, one of the guys went inside and brought back a black bag full of red grass. "yaha tala gaun ma lukyaera bechdo raicha .....US ma yettiko kati parcha?" ,
"maybe 2000 dollars"
"ho ra? bekkar ma MBBS padeko!" he began to wonder. We stayed late into the night seeing Kathmandu blazed in lights and then slowly disappearing in the darkness, as we listened to old numbers by pink floyd, fatte man singh, and deepak kharel. IT was one of those surreal nights I had spent in Nepal.

to be contd....

If I have forgotten to mention, Kathmandu is also a city with a great sense of RUMOR. I was astonished to find some of my old friends of Engineering College knew whom I had met the past week. What an anticlimax! As far as the exhibition was concerned, I was blown away by both the brilliance and creativity of the students of pulchowk. She told me this was only the architectural department. Some of them had stayed almost a month in campus working day and night to finish for the exhibition. I was thoroughly impressed. After hearing that she was primilarily interested in interior designing, i thought of my room that had been transformed into a tornado since my return to KTM.
"mero room ni design gardeu hai?" I joked. She smiled, blushed and turned serious. I knew then it would be quite a while when I would hear from her again.

That evening, I found myself in redundant thamel once more with old friends whom I hadn't seen since the last exam in SLC. You know how it is when you meet old friends from school--those never ending conversations. Every now and then, I would remind them of some of their characteristic habits and highlights of school and they'd be thoroughly surprised on how I remembered them. "you have such a good memory, you should write these stories" I told that I had been writing for some time.
"have you heard of sajha.com?" I asked hopefully. Most of them shook their heads and suddenly one old friend burst into a boisterous laughter. "oh yah! I know I know. We visit that site sometimes from work"
"sacchikai?"
"yah. Isn't that the site where guys talk about gals like they haven/t seen a single good looking gal?" he went on sarcastically "oh yah! then people write about how they'd change Nepal in points and people congratulate him as if he'd already made a major contribution?" I told him it wasn't all like that. but he cut me off
"Listen! I have nothing against people going to US, earning and enjoying their lives. Look at me. I decided not to go abroad. I work three jobs, my parents are retired but i make enough and still be able to enjoy some time with old friends. Above all, i might not be working in remote places, but at least i am here working for the country. How many of you have done that?" he shut me off completely. I don't know if I was shaken by his talk or was jealous that he was living my dream.

The next morning I woke up with Gandhi's famous quote "You must be the change to see the change in this world" There! off I went to the travel agency to change my departure date. Why not extend it by a couple of weeks? I have yet to see more than half of KTM. I waited in the waiting room. Hours ticked by. I knew one of the people working in there but I stayed in the line. People came and went by saying they had come to see "arun sir, mina miss etc etc etc. Finally after three hours, I was called in. It was less than two minutes work. "lau bhai po aaunu bhako raicha. mathi sidai aako bhaye hunthyo ni. ma gardi halthen ni" "hoina dai, fursad nai thiyo, pheri dherai manis line ma thiyen" I told him the truth. He gave me back my tickets and mentioned "bhai mind nagarnus hai. tara Nepal ma yesto taal le bachna chai tapain lai dhau dhau parcha"

He was absolutely right. If I had a busy schedule, I probably would have gone the royal road. Who wouldn't? we've practiced this custom since eternity. We talk of political change, cultural change and societal change. I wonder how many of us are willing to change at a personal level. I am no saint either. Without my friend's connection to the army, do you think we'd be able to camp out 500 m above KTM that too in the border of KTM inside the staff army college. Life comes to prick you in full circle here.

[ and Yah RatoBatas, you are not forgotten. I met couple of your students whom you had taught off spin and leg spin bowling. They bowl faster than brett lee now. I also visited your hometown which looks so much cleaner, but it does have that nostalgic "JAAND" smell I adore. I am so tempted to take my camera and click all around, but I don't want to look like a tourist in my own hometown, would you?I also met couple of your fans who looked like angels in the twilight around sarswati than. They have not forgotten your rockstar stature and your killer hair re. OK do you want a major role than this? ]

Oys bro,
Nil sarsoti tira gako ho?

Thoroughly enjoyed the added pieces. I felt like I was walking with you -with you through your words that is - wherever you wrote you went.

:)
हाजिर है म।

>oh yah! then people write about how they'd change Nepal in points and people congratulate him as if he'd already made a major contribution?"

LOL ! केटोले साझा पक्का हेर्या रेऽछ ल म किटेरै भन्दिन्छु।

मार्ने भे केटाहरुले
यता हाँडिगाऊको को जात्रा उता भउतेको मात्रा काम गर्न दिने भेनन् । कुन् दिन् हाकिम्ले नराम्ररि बजाउछ चाँका, कुन साईड 'ए' कुन 'बी' थाहा हुन्न ल !
बर्बाद जुलाका ट्यामऐ मरुला , छु गरु, गरु !!

vi. Ignorance is Bliss
*************************
In the name of security today everyone is ripping everyone else apart. I was shocked to find out that now you have to pay as much as 15,000 rupees that is non refundable just to get an visa interview for US. Why would you want to charge a person $120 dollars security fee when one hasn't even left Nepal? But then, the drama doesn't end there. The interview itself is like a lottery pick.A girl who got interviewed before me was bombarded with questions so specific to biology that it felt like surprise oral test given in schools. "Biology is study of life. A cell is a basic unit of life. A cell has DNA, RNA, ribosome, mitochondria .." the girl kept giving swift replies. "what does Ribosome do?" finally the girl succumbed to pressure. She started to stammer and finally in a squeal gave "it makes lots of ENERGY" The counsellor nodded his head and she was given green signal to US. I would have probably failed if the same counsellor had interviewed me.

Among all the hotspots of KTM, I find Putalisadak the most mercurial of places. It is amazing to see it change color everyday. When monsoon hits putalisadak, there's a mini tsunami creating chaos especially in the rush hours. When it is hot and dry, there's shower of bricks from the peace seeking activists smearing the street in Orange. One such afternoon, I asked one of the enthusiastic students on where they got all those bricks? He told me that one of the buildings of Shankardev was under repairs and just that morning four tractors of new bricks were brought in campus. No wonder! "loot ko dhan, fupu ko shradha". Other night I saw that the students in TU had destroyed their department of Economics. Reason--They got low marks than they expected in the board exam. On the positive side, at least we express ourselves VERY WELL these days in Nepal.

A feeling of acute nausea hits me everytime I end up in Thamel. I often ask my friends "aren't there any other good places to hang out? "LIKE?" "naan sekuwa center in gairidhara" They think I am cracking a joke. Why wouldn't they? After all, flaunting has always been the trademark of Kathmandu. The more you can spend, the better. What amazes me the most is how can people be so indifferent to their mileau. Just having a stroll down in the freek street, you see half the people bragging and half the people begging. Police charge down on the beggars in the name of discouraging beggars in tourist hub. Where are these children going to go? Infront of the palace? Other night, I realized that I had made a grave mistake because I happen to give out some change to one of the street children there. Within seconds, around ten children stooped down and caught my two legs. I felt hapless. My rage reached its threshold. No--not with children, because I was just below the famous JAVA coffeehouse where many stretched their necks to see the spectacle of surprise below. I wondered if there were more middleaged guys in their Armani suits gathered there to talk about eliminating poverty in Nepal and congratulating each other for putting forth immaculate plans.

No matter what revolution occurs, who comes into power, how changes are made, the rich and the elites always had and always will have have their ways in country like ours. I don't have to go that far from home to find such heinous examples. A block down east gahana pokhari, the most conspicious house next to bhagwati than was that of the Punjabji who have lived there as far as I can remember. Now he had long died and the family had gone back to india, it is little surprise who lives there now with couple dozen army patrolling the house inside and out with nozzles of rifles pointing straight to handiaon people. Then they have taken over half the narrow street putting speed breakers. OH! we're supposed to slow down because we're passing their house. A person who was finally able to start his own grill and metal store opposite the patrolling army was ordered to shut down the store and move somewhere else within a week. Reason-- people living inside the mansion were often disturbed with the noise. ARE U KIDDING ME?

One rainy evening, I was returning from my aunt's place in Lazimpat. A group of school children came from opposite direction on the same footpath I was using. Seeing puddles all around the street, I grabbed on the electric pole and swung around so that the children could pass me by first without me having to step on the puddle. Perhaps it was the rain and the naked wire, I got shock of the lifetime. 240 volts of electric current shook me in the middle of the street without me being able to express anything. It had perhaps shook me inside out that I realized for the first time I was in Kathmandu one implicit truth -- no matter what first impression KTM had given me about revolutionary changes, it hadn't changed a bit. It made me sad for a while till I got a call from a friend from school. We were supposed to have a reunion in near future.

He immediately began to cough and I could make from his voice that he was suffering from severe cold.
I asked him instantly "reunion postpone garne ho?"
"aan yaar, tyasai garna parla..rughakhoki le grasta chu"
"kina k khako thiees?" "khako sako hoina, hijo rati party thiyo..chance ma dance bhanera tyo harley davidson kudako"
I told him that I knew of only one harley davidson in KTM. "tyai ho tyai ho. Fire nikalera kudaune bhako, chiso lagecha"
Oh I see. He hadn't called me up to plan the reunion or inform me about his illness. He was itching to tell someone about his bravado and feat that very few can relate to in KTM. He told me the incident as if he'd just climbed Everest for the 15th time.

God bless! (to be contd.....)

Good to hear from you OYS...Just some cents to comment as ARDENT is not here to comment...;)

>>>No wonder! "loot ko dhan, fupu ko shradha". Other night I saw that the students in TU had destroyed their department of Economics. Reason--They got low marks than they expected in the board exam. On the positive side, at least we express ourselves VERY WELL these days in Nepal.
---Actually We don't have RIGHTs to express these days In Nepal Oys...SO keeping it correct...all AREAs around Durbar Marg to the places where all common people sustain are prohibited for mass gathering....The FMs are banned from giving news(But the FMs are defying goverment these days)....And anyone who does rise his voice against a tyranny and AUTOCRACY are slammed with RAJDROHA mudda and slammed in with charges worth 3 years in jail....( I m not praising about the GAGAN THAPA here but am rising my voices against the unjustice that has been done)...And yeah students throw the bricks BUT have u seen the police beating a hell out of inncocent sidewalkers....I HAVE!!!!

>>>Other night, I realized that I had made a grave mistake because I happen to give out some change to one of the street children there. Within seconds, around ten children stooped down and caught my two legs. I felt hapless. My rage reached its threshold. No--not with children, because I was just below the famous JAVA coffeehouse where many stretched their necks to see the spectacle of surprise below. I wondered if there were more middleaged guys in their Armani suits gathered there to talk about eliminating poverty in Nepal and congratulating each other for putting forth immaculate plans.
----WEll Giving money to street childrens is not good thing in my opinion too...But did u at least care enough to feed them asking if they are hungry...

>>>I got shock of the lifetime. 240 volts of electric current shook me in the middle of the street without me being able to express anything. It had perhaps shook me inside out that I realized for the first time I was in Kathmandu one implicit truth -- no matter what first impression KTM had given me about revolutionary changes, it hadn't changed a bit.
---Now regarding to this point...actually we the people too are responsible for changes too...So my curiosity is DID U COMPLAIN ABOUT THIS ELECTRICITY LEAKAGE TO ANY RESPONSIBLE AUTHORITY????...My Philospophy is change urself before u expect change from others...अरुले केहि गर्देला भन्नु भन्दा आफुले थआल्नु राम्रो होइन र??...:)

Well I m not as good as ARDENT as commentators...But am just pouring in my two cents...Hope that doesn't hurt ur feelings!!!If it does...I m sorry!!!
~Nirman~

Nirman~
Writers write. Its the responsibility of readers like you and me to reed between the lines and take actions. Bhujyo ??

>>>>>>A feeling of acute nausea hits me everytime I end up in Thamel. I often ask my friends "aren't there any other good places to hang out? "LIKE?" "naan sekuwa center in gairidhara" They think I am cracking a joke. Why wouldn't they?....>>>>>>>

Wondering WHY !!!

vii. The final cut
**************

The moments we most cherish in life goes by the fastest of all. The last few weeks have whizzed by without any warning. I have probably made enough memories to write stories for the next ten years but not all stories can be expressed in words. I think sometimes you have to experience the stories yourself, and cherish them within. At the same time, writing is like a double edged sword. If it doesn't suit the needs of the reader or is contrary to his/her dogmatic opinion, it can be torn apart and battered around the park like the australian bowlers have suffered this summer from Pieterson and Flintoff.(i'll keep my fingers crossed to see England triumph in Ashes)

Anyways, I should confess the highlight of my trip has been the reunion of friends from school. It is almost unimaginable to see how one has transformed in the last 8 years from school days. From CEO's of internet company, young industrialists, Psychedelic DJ's, life guard, musicians to doctors, engineers, bankers, accountants, music video director, models, and even few in Rehab--we were a class of our own. I had many close friends in campus and colleges, but there's something about friends from school that sets them apart. Even if you didn't get along with most of them, there are so many little things that everybody can relate to. As the evening wore into the night catching up with old friends and fond memories, one of the guys asked me if I had seen nightlife in KTM. I confessed to him I hadn't and he announced it in front of everyone in full fervor as if it were a sardarji joke.

It was only a matter of time when ten of us strayed around Yak n Yeti Hotel. Little did I know it was one of those partynepal parties, so it was natural to have some butterflies. The boombox blasted from inside with the happening numbers of indian and english songs reminscent of many clubs of US. We were hesitant because it was already way into the night and many were beginning to leave and the entry fee was a whooping 800 rupees. It so happened one of the guys in our group was doing his internship in Army Hospital. All he needed to do was show his ID at the entrance and say he had few friends with him, rest as they say was history. Inside, the atmosphere was electric with ear deafening music and it seemed every youngster of KTM was jampacked for this fiesta. I ran into many old and new friends, and I felt right at home even in the dance floor that begged for some space. Above all, my friend's sister, the sweetest gal I've met in KTM, kept me company. I almost began to chuckle looking around--NO BLACKS in a dance club for a change. Only Nepalis--beautiful ones.

I had imagined that this time around, I would definitely make my way to pokhara. Well it was not to be, and I'll always regret for not being able to expand my horizon beyond KTM. At the same time, during these troubled times, it feels very uneasy to put family through undue anxiety. However, I fulfilled two of my utmost desires in KTM -- A day in Godavari and a visit to an old old teacher. After this, I felt complete and my mind gained peace.Talking about peace, I have never slept so peacefully in the last six years than I have in the last month. No insomnia, no violent dreams--just peaceful sleep everynight. What could one ask for in life to be able to go to bed everynight and fall asleep instantly? Isn't that satisfaction everyone seeks in life. I'd never know. The only dream I can remember was other day taking an afternoon nap when I saw people of everest momo chasing me down with hot momos . Perhaps, its my guilt that I have eaten in naan sekwa center but not in everest.

So there it is--handigaon chronicles is not infinite. I feel pretty weak today, not physically. I don't know if i am mentally prepared to come back. It'll take some time to realize that birds won't be chirping in the morning anymore nor will aromatic tea make its way to my bedside. There won't be delicious cooked food in the kitchen in the morning and evening, nor will I run into long lost friends walking down the street.I just hope I won't succumb after sometime participating in the blaming game alongside scholars. If you ask me what has been the most important thing for me returning home besides realizing the importance of family, relatives and REAL friends, I'd say I have found myself here. It has made me realize who I really am, where I come from, and above all in what role do I fit in this picture.

Kathmandu is a very unique city. I have now realized there are many different versions of KTM for many different people. It all depends what you see, what you ignore, and what you perceive. There are thousand reasons on why you shouldn't stay here, and there are thousand good reasons on why one should settle abroad, but for me, there's just one reason I should be here--Kathmandu is my home. I disagree with folks who vehemently say home is where the heart is. Common now, How can there be an alternative to home?

उुछक !!!
I feel pretty weak today, not physically. I don't know if i am mentally prepared to come back. It'll take some time to realize that birds won't be chirping in the morning anymore nor will aromatic tea make its way to my bedside. There won't be delicious cooked food in the kitchen in the morning and evening, nor will I run into long lost friends walking down the street.

I hate this !!! That fear of coming back hurts me deep inside. I dont know what i will do when i will be in Ktm preparing to return here.

P.S. The first word = त्यो नेपाली युनिकोड थियो अंग्रेजी दु:-शब्द को !